How to sit with emotions and not be consumed by them

Read time ~5 minutes

There are times when what we feel is what we want to kill, rather than heal.

All the feelings that are almost too much to bear are what inevitably make us human. And we are meant to allow ourselves to feel it all, but the reason we end up suffering is not the feelings themselves, it is that we resist them.

Our nervous system has the capacity to move through these difficult emotions and out of them. But somewhere, as we flow through life, we find it easier to bottle up rather than live through.

We opt for suppression of any feelings outside what we tolerate, because it is perceived as safer, easier, and more accessible, as opposed to being in them. Because we were never taught to just sit with them.

And while this tactic might work rather well for some time, it is not sustainable long-term. 

So what to do instead?

1. Name what is happening

See if you can describe what you are experiencing, either naming the emotion, or just the feeling/ sensation of it. 

“I am experiencing sadness.”

“I feel tightness in my chest.”

Naming shifts the brain from limbic reactivity (our emotional centre) into the prefrontal cortex (our cognitive center). That gives more space between your Self and the emotion you are experiencing. 

2. I am experiencing vs. I am

I am experiencing anger vs. I am angry.

In your communication or even internal thought process, try to reframe your experience. The Self is not an emotion or a thought. The Self does not fluctuate. Your perception of Self does.

You are the space in which anger/sadness/joy can happen.

But you are not it.

3. Feel the body, not the story

Instead of going into “Why am I feeling this?”, ask yourself “How am I feeling this?”.

“Where is it in my body?” 

“Does this feeling have a colour, temperature, movement?”

So often we intellectualise what we feel, trying to find all the reasons to justify feeling shit, as if we’re not allowed to feel that way. Keeping the focus on the sensation, rather than the story, helps us accept rather than resist.

4. Movement is the way out

Emotion = energy in motion.

What is refused, gets stuck in the body. 

Dance it out. Shake your hands, shoulders or your whole body. Go for a run. Slap a pillow or the floor (my fav when I’m angry). Or throw (ideally something that won’t break) that thing to the other side of the room. 

If you can’t sit with it (unless you are in a freeze state), move through it. 

5. Ground to return

After sitting with it or moving through it, grounding is key. If we don’t return to our baseline after our nervous system is activated, we risk remaining in that high-alert state.

Put the soles of your feet on the ground and really feel them.

Get outside and notice the trees, the birds, the sky (yes, even if it’s grey and miserable).

Sip some tea with presence.

…

If you got to this point, thank you. I appreciate your presence. 

And as a gentle reminder, 

The only way out is through. 

But you can make your way out soft, compassionate and as slow as you wish.

Your power lies within you.

You already know all the answers.